Sorek 2, A Shrek 2 Parody
by kingdomdisney
Summary: Exactly what the title says. Sora is in for a lot of trouble when Naminé's dad hires Axel the Huat in Boots to kill him, not to mention the angry Fairy Larxene and jealous Prince Riku. Whatever happens, Sora is going to regret going to Far, Far Away.
1. Honeymoon? With Whom?

**HI!**

**OK, so I haven't gotten any reviews on Sorek yet... :'( But I DON'T CARE! I'll still upload this. OK, we meet one of the most egotistical people of all time today...**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Shrek. But God, if I did...  
**

Light shone through a limited space onto a book. It magically opened and a silvery voice recited, "Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. And throughout the land, everyone was happy until the sun went down, and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss…of the handsome Prince Riku."

The horse whinnied as the knight made him gallop very fast. The knight continued, "It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the Hugon's keep." Riku paid no attention to the fact that there was _no_ hugon, as he was so caught up in retelling his fortune. He took off his helmet and the hair net, swinging his silver hair, saying, "For he was the bravest, and most handsome in all the land. And it was destiny that his kiss-" he sprayed breath freshener-"would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her-" he gasped in shock.

Zeke Midas Wolf looked up from his magazine and asked, annoyed, "What?"

"Princess…Naminé?" Riku asked timidly.

"No!"

Riku gave a sigh of relief and declared, "Oh, thank heavens. Where is she?"

"She's on her honeymoon," Zeke said nonchalantly, going back to his magazine.

"Honeymoon?" Riku asked, alarmed. "With whom?"


	2. Royal Ball!

**OK, for those of you who might read this, please don't expect updates this fast. I'd already written this when I got the account, so I just uploaded it. Expect them about every week or so. Sorry, I'm not that fast a writer.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Shrek. But I wish I do...**

Sora readjusted the aged camera, then ran back to Naminé, picked her up, smiled at the camera, and the he kicked open the door to the gingerbread house. They banged against the doorway, not able to fit, and he broke it off by charging. Naminé happily laughed as he set her down, and she fixed her hair. She took a piece of gingerbread out, and fed it to him. The door closed, and fireflies flew above the 2 to form the words _Sorek 2_.

In the morning, at Hansel's Honeymoon Hideaway, Sora and Naminé shaved, as Little Red Riding Hood knocked on the fixed door of chocolate (A/N: CHOCOLATE? WHERE!). The newlyweds opened it and looked down at her. She screamed, threw her basket of goodies into the air, and fled down the path. They looked at her, at each other, then at the basket, then at each other, and smiled.

At lunchtime, the two were eating turkey-legs dipped in BBQ sauce at the beach. Naminé flung hers, and threw herself a Sora, and the two rolled on the beach, making out, when a wave crashed over them. Sora opened his eyes to see he wasn't kissing his wife, but Ariel, the Little Mermaid. Naminé grabbed the mermaid's tail, and dragged her to the water's edge. She threw her far out to sea, wiped her hands on themselves, then put her hands on her hips and looked at a confused Sora, who smiled sheepishly.

Later that night, a dwarf took a newly-made ring out of the pit with tongs, and dropped it into Sora's eager hands. Sora immediately played hot potato with his hands. It flew up into the air, and landed perfectly on Naminé's ring finger. She admired it as Sora gave off a look that said, _Oh, yeah. That's what I meant to do_. As she put her hand in his, the words, _I Love You_, were magically engraved in front of their eyes. She smiled, and looked up at Sora, who smiled back.

They frolicked through the meadow of daisies, and lovingly escaped the pitchforks and angry villagers, holding each other's hand.

They walked along a path in the woods, unaware of the trap that had been set. Sora cried out in shock as his foot was caught in a rope, and his head was dunked in mud. Naminé tried to run to him, but the villagers blocked her with pitchforks. She immediately performed awesome martial arts on them. She fixed her hair, and then walked to her husband. She wiped the mud off his mouth, and kissed him, Spiderman-style.

At night, Naminé captured pixies in a bottle and set it by their hot mud tub. Sora leaned back and relaxed, then farted. He nervously chuckled, but Naminé just laughed it off and farted. The bubbles went crazy as the two ogres laughed and farted, and the pixies scrabbled to get out, their noses burning with the horrendous stench.

After they got out, they looked at the moon, and gently kissed, and they went home, to Sora's swamp tree-house.

In the morning, they arrived, and sighed happily. "It's so good to be home!" Sora declared as they walked forward. Neither noticed the fact that the sign now said _BEWARE OGRES! _and had a picture of Naminé nailed to it. They ignored the singing as Sora picked up his love, and giggling, Sora said, as Naminé heard the singing, "Just you and me and…" he suddenly heard the singing too, and he opened the door to see…

"Roxas?" Sora asked, putting Naminé down gently. The abnormally colored hunkey (A/N: If you don't know what a hunkey is, go read my _Shrek_ parody) lying on Sora's special chair.

He looked up, and gasped, "Sora! Naminé! Well, aren't you two a sight for sore eyes!" He trotted over to them. "Give us a hug, Sora, you old love machine." He chuckled crazily, then turned to the blonde. "And look at chug, Mrs. Sora. How 'bout a side of sugar for the steed?" She scratched under his chin.

"Roxas, what are you doing here?" Sora demanded.

"Oh, I was just taking care of your love nest for you."

"Oh, you mean like…sorting the mail and watering the plants," Sora said sarcastically.

"Yeah, and feeding the fish!"

"I don't have any fish."

"You do now. I call that one Sora and the other one Naminé," Roxas said, walking over to the fish bowl. The fish were dead. "That Sora is a rascally devil. Get your…"

Sora looked at his imaginary watch, and exclaimed, "Oh, will ya look at the time. Well, I guess you'd better be going."

"Wait a minute, don't you want to tell me all about your trip? Or how about a game of Parcheesi?" Roxas ran off, and Sora groaned. Naminé intervened and said, "Actually, Roxas? Shouldn't you be getting home to Xion?"

"Oh, yeah, that," Roxas sadly sighed. "I don't know. She's been all moody and stuff lately. So," Roxas was suddenly happy, "I thought I'd move back in with you guys."

"Well, you know we're always happy to see you, Roxas," Naminé began.

"But Naminé and I are married now. We need a little time, you know, to be together." Roxas just smiled up at them.

"Just with each other," Sora tried again.

Roxas still didn't understand.

"Alone," Sora growled.

"Say no more, say no more. You don't have to worry about a thing. I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you."

"Roxas!"

"Yes, roomie?

"You're bothering me."

Roxas dropped the smile as he realized what his best friend was saying. "Oh, OK. All right. Cool, I guess…uh, me and Pinocchio was just going to try to catch a tournament anyway, so…Maybe I'll see y'all Sunday for a barbecue or something." Roxas walked out the door.

Sora and Naminé looked at each other, and smiled. Sora slyly said, "Now, where were we?" They giggled lightly. "Oh, I think I remember." He swung her around, and they were about to kiss when they saw an unwelcome guest. "Roxas!" Sora angrily shouted, accidentally dropping Naminé.

"I know! I know! Alone! I'm going! I'm going. Hey, but what do you want me to tell these guys?" the hunkey asked as Sora helped her up. Roxas opened the door, and the ogres looked up to see a fanfare and a town cryor named Isa walking through the triangle the LONG trumpets made. One of the ones on the end broke away and started to play the theme to _Hawaii Five-O_. He was whacked on the head with a scroll, and earned an "Enough, Lea."

Naminé and Sora walked out, confused. The croyer cleared his throat and read, "Dearest Princess Naminé. You are hereby summoned to the Kingdom of Far, Far Away for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage at which time the King will bestow his royal blessing…upon you and your…" he looked up to see the ogres. "…uh…Prince Riku. Love, the King and Queen of Far, Far Away, AKA Mom and Dad."

"Mom and Dad," Naminé excitedly murmured.

"Prince Riku?" Sora asked. He was about to ask who Riku was when…

"Royal ball? Can I come?" Roxas practically shouted, tearing the lovebirds apart.

"We're not going," Sora protested.

"What?" Naminé and Roxas gasped.

"I mean, don't you think they might be a bit…shocked to see you like this?" Sora explained.

She chuckled, and reasoned, "Well, they might be a bit surprised. But they're my parents, Sora. They love me. And don't worry. They're gonna love you, too."

"Yeah, right," Sora snorted. "Somehow, I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club." He tried to go back inside.

"Will you stop it? They're not like that."

"Then how do you explain Sergeant Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band?"

"Oh, come on! You could at least give them a chance."

"Oh, to do what? Sharpen their pitchforks?"

"No! They just want to give you their blessing."

"Oh, great. Now I need their blessing?"

"Well, if you want to be a part of this family, yes!"

"And who says I want to be part of this family?"

"Uh, you did! When you married me!"

"Well, there's some fine print for ya!"

Naminé gave and exasperated sigh. "So that's it. You won't come?"

"Trust me. It's a bad idea. We are not going! And that's final!"


	3. Are We There Yet?

**Once again, I already wrote this. Not going to be this fast.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Shrek.**

The last suitcase was thrown into the back of the onion carriage. Roxas hopped on and called, "Hey, come on, Sora! We don't want to hit traffic!"

Said ogre exasperatedly opened his front door and walked sadly out. Demyx the gingerbread man called, "Don't worry! We'll take care of everything!" as he, Pinocchio, the Three Little Pigs, Fifer, Practical, and Fiddler, Zeke Midas Wolf, and the Three Blind Mice ran inside the house. They slammed the door behind them, accidentally leaving one of the mice outside, and Sora sighed as the fairy tales started to party. He got into the carriage, and looked despairingly out the back window as Roxas sang. He sang as they went through an abandoned village.

As they passed mountains, Roxas was no longer singing. There was a sign that said "Far, Far Away: 700 Miles."

"Are we there yet?" Roxas asked.

"No," Sora replied.

It thunder stormed at the downside of cliffs, and Roxas asked, "Are we there yet?"

"Not yet," Naminé said.

200 miles away. There was a blizzard as they rode up the cliff. "OK, are we there yet?"

"No," Naminé said.

They walked through calm snow. "Are we there yet?"

"No!" Sora cried.

Underside of another cliff. "Are we there yet?"

"Yes," Sora said.

"Really?"

"No!"

A bridge. "Are we there yet?"

"No!" Naminé shouted.

100 miles away. "Are we there yet?"

"No, we are not yet!" Sora shouted.

"Are we there yet?"

"No!" both shouted.

"Are we there yet?" Roxas asked, and Sora mimicked. "Hey, that's not funny. Hey, that's really immature." Sora kept mimicking Roxas. "See, this is why nobody likes ogres. All right, your loss. I'm gonna just stop talking!"

"Finally!" Sora cried happily.

"But this is taking forever, Sora. And there's no in-flight movie or nothing!"

"The Kingdom of Far, Far Away, Roxas. That's where we're going. Far, far…" he lowered his voice to a whisper, "…away."

"All right, all right, I get it. But I'm just so darn bored."

"Well, find a way to entertain yourself."

Roxas sighed, and Sora and Naminé enjoyed the quiet while it lasted. Roxas sighed deeply. He looked at the ogres, then clicked his tongue. He made a popping noise with his lips, causing Sora to cringe. He popped his lips again, and Sora groaned, "For five minutes…Could you not be yourself…" he then shouted, staring Roxas in the face, "…for five minutes!" He turned to look out the window like Naminé. Neither of them noticed the hunkey's lips sneaking their way in between them. They popped, and Sora shrieked, "Are we there yet?"

"Yes!" Naminé cried happily.

"Oh, finally!"


	4. The Parents

**Already written.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Shrek. If I owned KH, Sora and Kairi wouldn't be together, and he would have remembered Nami at the end of KHII. Vanitas wouldn't have died, and neither would have Axel, Larxene, Xion, Zexion, and Demyx.**

A fanfare played as the carriage rolled into the kingdom. "Wow!" Roxas breathed, looking at the palm trees. "It's going to be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on. Hey, good-looking! We'll be back to pick you up later!" Naminé looked happily around while Sora watched apprehensively. He saw a billboard with the Fairy Godmother on it, and he said, "We are definitely not in the swamp anymore." They were stopped to be cleaned, then moved on their way.

"Hey, everyone look! It's the princess' carriage!" a girl called, and the kingdom ran behind it. Naminé looked back at Sora, but her smile fell as she saw his expression. She lovingly touched his arm, and he looked at her, and smiled.

"Hey, ladies! Nice day for a parade, huh? Yeah, you working that hat," Roxas called. They passed Rapunzel's tower and Cinderella's castle, and Roxas called out, "Swimming pools! Movie stars!"

The kingdom cheered as they followed the onion carriage to the King and Queen's castle. Roxas' jaw dropped as he saw the HUGE castle. King Luxord and Queen Yuffie smiled as they awaited their daughter and son-in-law. The crowd applauded as the carriage made its way to the red carpet. A fanfare went out, , and the crowd quieted as Isa announced, "Announcing the long-awaited return of the beautiful Princess Naminé and her new husband."

The crowd cheered and Sora grimaced. "Well, this is it," Naminé said.

"This is it," Luxord whispered.

"This is it," Isa muttered, opening the door.

"This is it," some crazy old dude muttered, setting a crate full of doves. Naminé stepped out, and the doves were released. The fanfare and the cheering stopped as the doves dispersed, revealing the ogres. The crowd gasped, and a dove flew into the castle wall and at Luxord's feet. A baby wailed, and Roxas said uncomfortably, "Uh…why don't you guys go ahead? I'll park the car." He hopped in and rode away.

"So…" Sora chuckled nervously. He took her hand and the two started walking down. "…you still think this was a good idea?"

"Of course! Look. Mom and Dad look happy to see us."

Luxord and Yuffie were waving, and Luxord muttered, "Who on earth are they?"

"I think that's our little girl," Yuffie replied softly as they started to walk down to meet them.

"That's not little! That's a really big problem. Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Riku and break the spell?"

"Well, he's no Prince Riku, but they do look…"

"Happy now? We came. We saw them. Now let's go back before they light the torches," Sora softly said.

"They're my parents."

"Hello? They locked you in a tower."

"Hey, that was for my own…"

"Good! Here's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home," Luxord muttered, stepping backwards, but Yuffie pulled him forward.

"Luxord, we have to be…"

"Quick! While they're not looking, we can make a run for it," Sora said.

"Sora, stop it! Everything's gonna be…"

"A disaster! There is no way…" Luxord started.

"You can do this," Naminé assured her husband.

"But I really…" Sora muttered.

"Really…" Luxord muttered.

"Don't…" Naminé.

"Want…" Luxord.

"To…" Sora.

"Be…" Yuffie.

"Here!" Sora and Luxord said at the same time as they met each other. The couples looked at the other, and Naminé said, "Mom…Dad…" She gave them a big hug, which Yuffie returned but Luxord didn't. She let go, and said, "I'd like you to meet my husband…Sora."

Sora fumbled her words, and awkwardly smiled as the royal parents looked at him in disgust, though Yuffie tried to hide it. "Well, um…It's easy to see where Naminé gets her good looks from," Sora said, awkward. He chuckled nervously as Naminé looked in horror, Yuffie looked in curiosity, and Luxord looked on in anger. Sora's smile turned into a grimace at dinner, where he had no clue what was going on. He gulped as the family ate, except for Luxord, who was glaring at Sora. Sora looked down, and had no clue which fork to pick up to eat his tiny tomatoes. He eventually just picked them up with his fingers, and started to chew until he noticed how the king was looking at him. He smiled, showing the uneaten food. Yuffie visibly shivered. Naminé was in a copy of the blue dress she had when she first met Sora, and took a sip of her water before belching. She covered her mouth with her hands, and said, "Excuse me." Sora and Naminé laughed as he said, "Better out than in, I always say, eh, Naminé? That's good." The two continued to laugh until they realized the parents weren't laughing. "I guess not."

They heard crashing and a familiar voice saying, "What do you mean, 'not on the list'? Don't tell me you don't know who I am." Roxas burst through the doors leading from the kitchen, laughing, and greeted, "Hey, what's happening, everybody? Thanks for waiting. You know, I had the hardest time finding this place." Roxas sat up onto a chair, and Luxord commanded, "No! No! Bad hunkey! Bad! Down!"

"No, no, Dad, Dad! It's all right. It's all right. He's with us. He helped rescue me from the hugon," Naminé assured him.

"Yep, that's me: the noble steed. Hey, waiter! How 'bout a bowl for the steed?"

"Oh, boy," Sora muttered, holding his head in his hands. He picked up his spoon and began to eat the soup, but Naminé murmured, "Um, Sora?"

"Yeah? Oh, sorry. Great soup, Mrs. Q. Mmm!"

"No, no, no. Darling." She dipped her hands into the bowl, and he chuckled nervously, "Oh!" then saw that the rest of the room was doing that, even Roxas.

"So, Naminé," Yuffie broke the silence, "tell us about where you live."

"Well…Sora owns his own land. Don't you, honey?"

"Oh, yes!" Sora declared, catching on. "It's in an enchanted forest, abundant in squirrels and cute little duckies and…"

"What?" Roxas burst out laughing. "I know you ain't talking about the swamp."

"Roxas," Sora hissed.

"An ogre from a swamp. Oh! How original!"

"Well, I suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children," Yuffie said. Luxord spluttered on his drink, and Sora sucked his spoon in, and both started to choke. Sora eventually managed to spit the spoon halfway across the table. "It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it?" Sora protested.

"Indeed. I just started eating," Luxord muttered.

"Luxord!" Yuffie reprimanded.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sora asked defensively.

"Dad. It's great, OK?" Naminé tried to keep the peace.

"Well, for his type, yes," Luxord said.

"My type?" Sora was getting angry.

"IIII got to go to the bathroom," Roxas interrupted, trying to do the same thing as Naminé.

The doors from the kitchen opened, and Chef Louis announced, "Dinner is served!"

"Never mind. I can hold it," Roxas said. The chicken was placed in front of Sora, and the lobster in front of Luxord. "Bon appetit!" Louis said, bowing.

"Oh, Mexican food! My favorite," Roxas said.

"Well, let's not just sit here with our tummies rumbling. Everybody dig in," Yuffie said, to which Roxas replied, "Don't mind if I do, Yuffie."

"So, I expect any grandchildren from you would be…" Luxord trailed off, grabbing the lobster before Roxas could chomp on it.

"Ogres, yes!" Sora replied, pulling the chicken towards him.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Luxord?" Yuffie said.

"Oh, no! No! Of course, not! That is, assuming you don't eat your won young!" Luxord fumed, cutting the lobster's spine.

"Dad!" Naminé gasped.

"Oh, no, we usually prefer the ones who've been locked away in a tower!" Sora sarcastically said as he tore off the legs and took a huge bite out of one.

"Sora, please!" Naminé pleaded.

"I only did that because I love her," Luxord said as he stabbed a beef square off another plate and dipped it in hot water.

"Oh, aye, day care or hugon-guarded castle," Sora shot back as he tore the wishbone out of the dead animal.

"You wouldn't understand. You're not her father!" Luxord cried as he snapped a leg in half with pliers. Naminé held her face in one hand.

Sora took a bite put of the chicken. Luxord tore the spine out. Sora popped a banana out of its skin. Luxord smashed crackers. Sora smashed his hand on chestnuts. Luxord turned the pepper shaker. Sora snapped the wishbone evenly. Luxord chopped the head off of fish.

"It's so nice to have the family over for dinner," Yuffie moaned quietly to herself. Luxord stood up just before Sora, and the two pulled at the pig. It flew into the air, and Yuffie cried, "Luxord!"

"Sora!" Naminé cried.

"Naminé!" Sora cried.

"Naminé!" Luxord cried.

"Mom!" Naminé cried.

"Luxord…" Yuffie cried.

"Roxas!" Roxas cried…right before the pig landed on the table. Naminé got up, glared at her father, then her husband, then she ran out the room. Luxord glared at Sora, and Sora looked after Naminé, then looked dejectedly down at the dinner.

Naminé ran to her old room, which she and Sora would be sharing. She slammed the door, changing the sign from _Everyone Welcome_ to _Keep Out_. She leaned against the door, and walked to her old chair. She looked at the little figurines of herself, a hugon, and a knight in shining armor. She sighed as she picked up the one of herself, and looked at her human self. She put it down, walked out to her balcony, and fixed her hair. She leaned on it, and a lone tear fell down her cheek.


	5. Fairy Larxene

**EVIL LARXENE!**

**Ahem. I already wrote this, so--oh, you know the drill.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own KH or Shrek.  
**

The tear fell onto the railing, and bubbles floated around her, causing her to look up in wonder. In one of the bubbles was a young woman who sang, _"Your fallen tears have called to me,_

_ So, here comes my sweet remedy._

_ I know what every princess needs_

_ For her to live life happily._" The woman popped her bubble with her wand, and both of the women gasped. "Oh, my dear. Oh, look at you. You're all, um…grown up," the fairy struggled for words.

"Um, who are you?" Naminé asked, confused.

"Oh, sweet pea! I'm your fairy godmother."

"I have a fairy godmother? Aren't you a little young? You look only a few years older than me."

"Shush, shush. Now, don't worry. I'm here to make it all better. With just a…" She spun Naminé around and sang, "_Wave if my magic wand_

_ Your troubles will soon be gone._

_ With a flick of the wrist and just a flash_

_ You'll land a prince with a ton of cash!_" Naminé was surrounded by clothes and all that sort of thing during this musical sequence.

FG "_A high-priced dress made by mice no less, _

_ Some crystal glass pumps_

_ And no more stress_

_ Your worries will vanish,_

_ Your soul will cleanse_

_ Confide in your very own furniture friends._

FG and furniture_ We'll help you start a new fashion trend!_

FG _I'll make you fancy,_

_ I'll make you great._

Furniture: _The kind of girl a prince would date!_

FG_ They'll write your name on the bathroom wall…_

Mirror _For a happy ever after give Naminé a call!_

FG _A sporty carriage to ride in style,_

_ Sexy man boy chauffeur, Kyle_.

_Banish you blemishes, tooth decay_

_ Cellulite thighs will fade away_

_ And oh, what the hey!_

_ Have a bichon frisé!_

_ Nip and tuck,_

_ Here and there_

_ To land that prince with the perfect hair._

_ Lipstick liners, _

_ Shadow blush_

_ To get that prince with the sexy tush._

_ Lucky day,_

_ Hunk buffet,_

_ You and your prince take a roll in the hay._

_ You can spoon on the moon_

_ With the prince to the tune_

_ Don't be drab, you'll be fab,_

_ Your prince will have rock-hard abs_

_ Cheese soufflé,_

_ Valentine's day,_

_ Have some chicken fricassee!_

_ Nip and tuck,_

_ Here and there,_

_ To land that prince with the perfect hair-"_

"Stop!" Naminé shouted, and immediately, her golden dress disappeared, and the furniture moved away. She chuckled, and said, "Look…Thank you very much, Fairy Godmother-"

"Call me Larxene," she interrupted.

"Okay, Larxene, but I really don't need all this." The furniture and Larxene gasped. The furniture walked off, muttering angrily. They suddenly heard a knock on the door, and Sora called, "Naminé? Naminé?" He forcefully opened the doors, and Roxas followed. Larxene recoiled, and the puppy leapt into Naminé's hands.

"Oh! You got a puppy? All I got in my room was shampoo," Roxas cried, running forward.

"Oh, uh…Larxene, furniture…I'd like you to meet my husband, Sora," Naminé said, setting the puppy down.

"Your husband? What? What did you say? When did this happen?" Larxene demanded.

"Sora is the one who rescued me."

"But that can't be right!"

"Oh, great, more relatives!" Sora groaned

"She's just trying to help," Naminé explained.

"Good! She can help us pack. Get your coat, dear. We're leaving," Sora said.

"What?" Naminé gasped.

"Leave? I don't want to leave," Roxas protested.

"When did you decide this?"

"Shortly after arriving."

"Look, I'm sorry," Naminé apologized to Larxene.

"No, that's all right. I need to go, anyway. But remember, dear. If you should ever need me, happiness is just a teardrop away," Larxene said, brandishing a business card.

Sora snatched and said, "Thanks, but we've got all the happiness we need. Happy, happy, happy…"

"So I see. Let's go, Kyle," Larxene said, flying into the pink sports carriage. It flew off, leaving a trail of pink fairy dust.

Naminé turned to her husband and said, "Very nice, Sora."

"What? I told you coming here was a bad idea."

"You could've at least tried to get along with my father."

"You know, I don't think I was going to get Daddy's blessing, even if I did want it."

"Well, do you think it might be nice if somebody asked me what I wanted?"

"Sure. Do you want me to pack for you?"

"You're unbelievable! You're behaving like a…"

"Go on! Say it!"

"Like an ogre!"

"Well, here's a news flash for you! Whether your parents like it or not…I am an ogre!" The puppy kept yelping, and Sora angrily roared at it. It hid behind its front paws. "And guess what, Princess? That's not about to change." Naminé stared at him and walked towards the door. She looked back at him and said, "I've made changes for you, Sora. Think about that." Then she left the room.

"That's real smooth, Sora. 'I'm an ogre!'" He then mimicked Sora's roar. Sora walked to the door, and sadly listened to his wife crying. He sighed and leaned against the door.

In the parent's room…

"I knew this would happen," Luxord declared, exasperated.

"You should. You started it," Yuffie called from inside the room. She was sitting in bed, reading a book.

"I can hardly believe that, Yuffie. I mean, really! He's the ogre. Not me," he replied, walking back inside.

"I think, Luxord, you're taking this a little too personally. This is Naminé's choice."

"Yes, but she was supposed to choose the prince we picked out for her. I mean, you expect me to give my blessings to this…this thing?"

"Naminé does. And she'll never forgive you if you don't. I don't want to lose our daughter again, Luxord." He sighed. "Oh, you act as if love is totally predictable. Don't you remember when we were young? And we used to walk down by the lily pond and…they were in bloom…"

"Our first kiss," Luxord sighed happily, reminiscing. He shook himself and cried, "It's not the same! I don't think you realized that our daughter has married a monster!"

"Oh, stop being such a drama king."

"Fine! Pretend there's nothing wrong!" Luxord ranted, walking back outside to the balcony. "La, di, da, di, da! Isn't it all wonderful! I'd like to know how it could get any worse." He didn't see the pink sports carriage until the door opened and Larxene greeted menacingly, "Hello, Luxord." He gasped and jumped.

"What happened?" Yuffie called.

"Nothing! Nothing, dear! Just the old crusade wound playing up a bit!" He chuckled nervously, and went back outside. "I'll just stretch it out here for a while." He slammed the doors and looked at Larxene, scared, as the fairy said, "You better get in. We need to talk."

"Actually, Larxene, just off to bed." He gave a fake yawn. "Already taken my pills, and they tend to make me a bit drowsy. So, how about…" he backed up into Aeleus. "…we make this a quick visit. What?" He was picked up and in between Dilan and Aeleus. "Oh, hello. Ha-ha-ha!" The whip was cracked, and the carriage flew off.

"So, what's new?" Luxord asked.

"You remember my son, Prince Riku?" Larxene asked, looking at the boy next to her, who was checking his nails.

"Riku! Is that you? My gosh! It's been years. When did you get back?"

"Oh, about five minutes ago, actually. After I endured blistering winds, scorching desert…" He angrily got up." "…I climbed to the highest room in the tallest tower…"

Larxene out a hand on her son's shoulder and gently forced him to sit down saying, "Mommy can handle this." She then turned back to Luxord and practically

bloody room of the tallest bloody tower…And what does he find? Some gender-confused wolf telling him that his princess ("If I can," Luxord tried to interrupt) is already married."

"I mean, it's not my fault. He didn't get there in time."

"Stop the car!" she shrieked. The car lurched to a stop, which resulted in Luxord lurching forward. "Luxord." Aeleus and Dilan cracked their knuckles. "You force me to do something I really don't want to do," she declared as she rolled the window down.

Luxord gasped, "Where are we?"

"Well, hi there. Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy! May I take your order?" a teenager asked.

"My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy," Larxene angrily informed him. "Er…okay. Two Renaissance Wraps, no mayo…chili rings…"

"I'll have the Medieval Meal," Riku said.

"One Medieval Meal and, Luxord…Curly fries?"

"No, no, thank you."

"Sourdough soft taco, then? What do you want?"

"No, no, really, I'm fine."

"Your order, Fairy Godmother. This comes with the Medieval Meal," the teen said, thrusting the food and an axe into the carriage.

"There you are, dear," Larxene said, handing the axe to her son as the carriage flew off.

"You said we made a deal, Luxord, and I assume you don't want me to go back on my part," Larxene said as she unwrapped her wrap.

He sighed deeply, "Indeed not."

"So, Naminé and Riku will be together."

"Yes," Luxord unhappily agreed.

"Oh, believe me, Luxord. It's what's best. Not only for your daughter…" she took a bite, and said with her mouth full, "…but for your Kingdom."

The carriage pulled up outside his bedroom's balcony, and Luxord was pushed out by Aeleus. He regained his balance and demanded, "Well, what am I supposed to do about it?" The axe was thrown into his hands and Larxene said, "Use your imagination," and she slammed the door shut. With a whoosh, the carriage flew off, and he turned his face away. He looked at the axe in his hands, and stood there while the carriage flew off into the moon.


	6. I Need An Ogre Taken Care Of

**EVIL...OGRE HUNTER AND KING LUXORD!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own KH or Shrek.**

That same night, a man in a black cloak was riding on a horse to The Poison Apple bar. The horse whinnied, and the he got off, and Luxord walked towards the door, continuously looking back to make sure that no one was following him. He knocked twice, and an eye looked back at him. The eye widened when he saw the king, and he gasped, "Oh…" The king stepped back as the Cyclopes opened the door. "Uh, come on in, Your Majesty." He stepped out of the way, and Luxord walked in.

A piano played, and the villains talked, unaware of the king's presence. A hook banged on the piano, and Captain Hook sang, "_I like my town._" He sang and played as the king avoided a wrestling match, narrowly missed a hatchet that was aimed for the dart board, walked past trees having an arm-wrestling match and one of the branches was snapped off, and he made it to the bar. The Headless Horseman slammed his drink onto the counter and belched. Luxord cleared his throat and said, "Excuse me." He looked at a frog, and she said, "Do I know you?"

"Uh, no, you must be mistaking me for someone else," Luxord said, well aware that she probably did. He turned back to the bartender and said, "Uh…excuse me. I'm looking for the Ugly Stepsister." She turned, and Luxord stared into the face of Anastasia Tremaine. "Ah! There you are. Right. You see, I need to have someone taken care of."

"Who's the guy?"

"Well, he's not a guy, per se. Um…he's an ogre." The crowd gasped, and Hook stopped playing. The whole bar turned to look at the king.

"Hey, buddy, let me clue you in," Anastasia said. "There's only one fella who can handle a job like that, and, frankly…he don't like to be disturbed."

"Where could I find him?" Luxord asked, uncaring about that fact.

Moments later, he knocked on a door, and he tentatively walked inside and stammered, "He-Hello?

A silvery smooth voice hissed, "Who dares enter my room?"

"Sorry! I hope I'm not interrupting, but I'm told you're the one to talk to about an ogre problem?"

"You are told correct. But for this, I charge a great deal of munny."

"Would this be enough?" Luxord asked, plunking a small bag onto the table, and a _bop_-sound echoed. A foil flashed, and Luxord flinched, but the foil slashed the bag, and many large yellow orbs fell out. Satisfied, the assassin declared, "You have engaged my valuable services, Your Majesty. Just tell me where I can find this ogre."

Back in Naminé's room, her castle-shaped clock ticked, revealing that it was nearly two A.M. Sora looked at his snoring wife, and rolled over onto his side, and watched as the clock chimed. A prince and princess came out of doors on opposite sides, and rolled to each other and kissed, then they went into the "castle" together. Sora sighed, and rolled back onto his back. He looked up to see a poster of Sir Justin. He looked back at Naminé, then the poster, then sat up. He exasperatedly wiped his face and got off the bed. He went over to the window and looked at the "Far Far Away" sign (much like the Hollywood sign). He turned away, and walked over to the fire and knelt down to warm his hands. He looked up and saw the figurines. He stood up, and saw something he never believed he would.


	7. The Diary

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kh or Shrek.**

**I'd already written this and the last chapter.  
**

Sora frowned as he looked at the ogre figurine, then looked at the princess one. He picked it up, and he pressed down on its arm. It said, "Dear Knight, I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude." He put it back on the shelf, realizing where Naminé had gotten _that _line from. He looked at a table, saw a little jewelry box, and walked to it. He opened it, and found it wasn't a jewelry box, but a music box with a book in it. A loud and obnoxious music box. He quickly shut it, and looked back at Naminé. She just rolled over in her sleep. He opened it again, quickly snatched the book, and closed it. He turned it over, saw the words _My Diary_, grinned, and opened it. He started to read. Naminé's voice provided a voice-over for the viewers/readers.

_Dear Diary,_

_ Aurora is having a slumber party tomorrow, but Dad says I can't go. He never lets me out after sunset._

_ Dear Diary,_

_ Dad says I'm going away for a while. Must be like some finishing school or something. Mom says that when I'm old enough, my handsome Prince Riku will come rescue me from my tower and bring me back to my family, and we'll all live happily ever after."_ As he flipped the pages, they were all "Mrs. Naminé Riku." A knock on the bedroom door startled Sora and he nearly dropped the book. He looked nervously over his shoulder. He opened the door to see King Luxord. "Sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting anything," he said.

"No, no. I was just reading a, uh…a scary book," Sora said, telling the truth.

"I was hoping you'd let me apologize for my despicable behavior earlier."

"Okay…"

"I don't know what came over me. Do you suppose we could pretend it never happened and start over…"

"Look, You Majesty, I just-"

"Please. Call me Dad," Luxord interrupted.

"Dad. We both acted like ogres. Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other."

"Excellent idea! I was actually hoping you might join me for a morning hunt. A little father-son time?"

Sora thought about it, and Luxord said, "I know it would mean the world to Naminé." Sora looked back at her, sleeping peacefully. He turned back to his "dad" and sighed.

"Shall we say, 7:30 by the old oak?" Luxord asked, and gave him a smile.


	8. Axel the Huat in Boots

**OKAY, IMPORTANT!**

**If you are reading, but not reviewing, would you PLEASE review for me? I'm getting kind of desperate here.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shrek or Kingdom Hearts. If only I did...  
**

Birds twittered as Sora and Roxas walked through the forest. "Face it, Roxas! We're lost," Sora barked.

"We can't be lost. We followed the King's instructions exactly. What did he say? 'Head to the deepest, darkest part of the woods…'"

"Aye."

"'Past the sinister trees with those scary-looking branches…'"

"Check."

"Yeah, and there's that bush shaped like Mae Whitman!"

"We passed that three times already!"

"Hey, you were the one who said you didn't want to stop for directions."

"Oh, great. My one chance to fix things up with Naminé's dad and I end up lost in the woods with you!"

"All right, you don't have to get all huffy with me! I'm only trying to help."

"I know! I know." Sora took a deep breath and calmly apologized, "I'm sorry, all right?"

"Hey, don't worry about it," Roxas accepted.

"I just really need to make things work with this guy."

"Yeah, sure. Now let's go bond with Daddy."

The two walked on, completely oblivious to the purring. Well, Roxas was, but Sora looked at him and smiled. "Well, well, well, Roxas. I know it was kind of a tender moment back there, but the purring?"

"What do you mean? I ain't purring."

"Oh, sure. What's next? A hug?"

"Hey, Sora. Hunkeys don't purr. What do you think I am, some kind of a…" The two jumped as a huat (huat=human/cat combination) landed in front of them.

"Ha-ha! Fear me, if you dare!" It hissed, flashed its foil, and scratched at the air.

"Hey, look! A little huat," Sora fearlessly said.

"Look out, Sora! He got a piece!" Roxas cried, obviously scared.

"It's a huat, Roxas. Come here, little hitty (hitty=human/kitty combo), hitty, hitty. Come on, little hitty. Come here. Oh! Come here, little hitty," Sora said, clapping his hands. The huat took his cape off, stabbed his foil into the ground, and got on all fours. He leaped at Sora, claws flashing, and Sora's eyes widened. The huat dug into his leg, and Sora screamed in agony. It climbed up his body and under his clothes. It ripped his shirt, down his leg, and finally dug his claws into that same leg. Roxas attempted to help him, but ended up kicking his best friend in the, erm, nuts, which brought the ogre to his knees.

"Did I miss?" Roxas asked.

"No. You got them," Sora wheezed. The huat did cartwheels in the air and declared, "Now, ye ogre…" he put his hat back on, "pray for mercy from…" he slashed an A into the tree, "…Axel the Huss…in Boots!" (huss=human/puss)

"Oooh, I'll kill that huat!" Sora growled.

"Ah-ha-ha!" Axel laughed, but then started to have a fit, full of coughing and wheezing, as Sora and Roxas watched in confusion. He got down on his hands and knees, which caused his hat to come off, and eventually retched a hairball. He coughed, then looked up at his foes and sheepishly chuckled, "Hairball."

"Oh! That is nasty!" Roxas cried, disgusted. Sora picked the annoying huat and said, "What do you reckon we should do with him?"

"I say we take the sword and neuter him right here. Give him the Bob Barker treatment," Roxas said.

"Oh, mercy, no! Por favor! Please!" Axel begged. "I implore you! It was nothing personal, Señor. I was doing it only for my family. My mother, she is sick. And my father lives off the garbage! The King offered me much in gold and I have a litter of brothers-"

Sora put his finger to Axel's mouth and said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Naminé's father paid you to do this?"

"The rich king? Sí," Axel replied, and Sora dropped him in disbelief before sighing, "Well, so much for Dad's royal blessing."

"Aw, come on, Sora. Don't feel bad. Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you," Roxas tried to comfort the depressed Sora.

"Gee, thanks," Sora sarcastically replied, sitting down on a rock. He sighed, "Maybe Naminé would've been better off if I were some sort of Prince Riku."

"Sí, that's what the King said," Axel enthusiastically said, and earned a glare from Roxas. "Oh, uh…sorry. I thought that question was directed at me." Roxas turned back to his best friend and walked over to him, saying, "Sora, Naminé knows you'd do anything for her."

"Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could," Sora murmured. "I just…I just wish I could make her happy." He suddenly remembered Larxene, and said, "Hold the phone…" He took the business card out of his pocket and read, "'Happiness. A tear drop away.' Roxas! Think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you!"

"Aw, man, where do I begin? Well, first there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans. I ain't never got over that. Then this fool went off and had a party and he have all the guests trying to pin the tail on me. Then they all go drunk and started beating me with a stick, going, 'Piñata! Piñata!' What is a piñata, anyway?" Roxas angrily cried.

"No, Roxas! I need you to cry!" Sora cried, exasperated.

"Yeah, well, don't go projecting on me. I know you're feeling bad, but you got to…" He didn't notice that Axel had come up next to him. The next thing he knew, Axel had thrown his claws into Roxas' side. "Aaaahhh!" He whimpered as a tear rolled down his cheek. "You little, hairy, litter-licking sack of…" Sora put the card underneath the tear as it fell, and a little _ping! _sounded throughout the forest. A bubble came out of the card, and Larxene's face appeared. She said, "What? Is it on? Is it on?" She cleared her throat and smiled. "This is Fairy Godmother, but you can call me Larxene. I'm either away from my desk or with a client. But if you come by the office, we'll be glad to make you a personal appointment." Her face disappeared to reveal a little cottage. She came back to say, "Have a 'happy ever after.'" The bubble popped and Sora watched in confusion, Roxas in happiness, and Axel with a neutral face as fireworks fell to the ground. "Oh…" Roxas muttered in appreciation.

"Are you up for a little quest, Roxas?" Sora asked knowingly.

"All right, now that's more like it! Sora and Roxas on another whirlwind adventure! _Ain't no stoppin' us now! Whoo! We're on the move!_" Roxas sang as the friends walked off.

"Wait, Ogre!" Axel called. They looked back to him, and he said, "I have misjudged you."

"Join the club. We've got jackets," Sora dryly commented. He rolled his eyes, and started to walk away.

"On my honor, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life as you have spared me mine," Axel continued, bowing.

"I'm sorry, but the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken. Let's go, Sora. Sora?" Roxas said as Sora looked at the huat, guilty. He walked forward, and Roxas saw that Axel was giving Sora the puppy-dog eyes, and was winning. "Sora!"

"Oh, come on, Roxas, look at him in his wee little boots. You know, how many huats can wear boots? Honestly. Aw, let's keep him!" Sora tried to persuade the hunkey.

"Say what?" Then Sora started to give him the eyes, and even though it was kind of ugly, it was two to one, and when Axel started purring, it was too much. "Aww!" Roxas groaned.

"Oh, listen. He's purring!" Sora cooed as he picked up the happy Axel.

"Oh, so now it's cute," Roxas spat as he walked off.

"Oh, come on, Roxas. Lighten up," Sora urged, following him.

"Lighten up? Oh, I should lighten up? Look who's telling who to lighten up!"

Back at the castle, Naminé was woken up by the dog she had gotten from Larxene the night before. She giggled, "Sora!" It barked, and she opened her eyes to see it wasn't her husband. She sat up to see that Sora was nowhere to be seen. "Sora?" She got out of bed, looked around, and saw her diary. She picked it up to see it was open to her drawing of her and Prince Riku kissing. She immediately realized what she thought Sora had been thinking.

Outside, Yuffie and Luxord were looking at fabrics, and she said, "Well, they're both festive aren't they? What do you think, Luxord?" Luxord, who hadn't been paying attention, replied, "Um…Yes, yes. Fine. Fine." He walked away, and she sighed, and pointed to the one to her right. She then proceeded to follow him.

"Try to at least pretend you're interested in your daughter's wedding ball," she said.

"Honestly, Yuffie, I don't think it really matters. How do we know there will even be a ball?" Neither of them realized that Naminé was running up until she cried, "Mom. Dad."

"Oh, hello, dear," Yuffie called. Luxord, who had freaked out, called, "Um, wh-what's that, Vexen? Right! Coming!" He ran off, and Naminé asked her mother, "Mom, have you seen Sora?"

"I haven't. You should ask your father. Be sure and use small words, dear. He's a little slow this morning," she called after he daughter as the latter ran off.

"Can I help you, Your Majesty?" Vexen asked primly, holding a cauldron-like bowl of…something.

"Ah, yes! Um…" he dipped his finger into the bowl and tasted its contents. "Mmm! Exquisite. What do you call this dish?"

"That would be the dog's breakfast, Your Majesty."

"Ah, yes. Very good, then. Carry on, Vexen."

"Dad? Dad, have you seen Sora?" Naminé asked him.

"Ah, no, I haven't dear," Luxord said, trying to get away from his daughter. "I'-I'm sure he just went off to look for a nice…mud hole to cool down in. You know, after your little spat last night."

"Oh. You heard that, huh?

"Darling, the whole kingdom heard you. I mean, after all, it is in his nature to be…well, a bit of a brute."

"Him? You know, you didn't exactly roll out the Welcome Wagon."

"Well, what did you expect? Look at what he's done to you."

Naminé stared at him in disbelief. "Sora loves me for who I am. I would think you'd be happy for me."

"Darling, I'm just thinking about what's best for you. Maybe you should do the same." He walked off and left Naminé standing there in shock.

Back in the forest, Axel and Sora were whispering to each other. Roxas glared up at them. "No, really?" Sora asked. They looked back at Roxas, and burst out laughing. "Shh…" Sora muttered to Axel. They turned a corner, and Roxas said, "Oh…"

They were looking at a pretty cottage-the exact same one that was in the bubble earlier. One difference, though: there was a HUGE factory behind it.

"Oh, no. That's the old Keebler's place. Let's just back away slowly," Roxas said as he hid behind Sora.

"That's the Fairy Larxene's cottage. She's the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom," Axel replied smoothly.

"Then why don't we pop in there for a spell?" Sora quipped. "Ha-ha! Spell!" Axel shrieked with laughter as Roxas glared up at them. "He makes me laugh," Axel cried.


	9. Ogres Can't Have 'Happily Ever Afters'

Sora opened the door, and the three strolled in, Axel still on his shoulder. They walked up to see a secretary writing feverishly with a quill. "Hi. I'm here to see the…"

"Fairy Larxene. I'm sorry. She is not in," the secretary replied, not looking up from his work.

"Repliku! Coffee and a Monte Cristo. Now!" Larxene snapped through the odd PA system. Repliku sighed and pressed the tip of his quill to the button and replied, "Yes, Fairy Larxene. Right away." He turned back to the trio and said, "Look, she's not seeing any clients today, OK?"

"That's OK, buddy," Sora answered. "We're from the union."

"The union?" Repliku asked, suspicious.

"We represent the workers in all magical businesses, both evil and benign."

"Oh! Oh, right," Repliku gasped, buying the lie.

"Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?" Sora asked, totally playing the character.

"Uh…a little. We don't even have dental," Repliku answered, turning the system away.

"They don't even have dental," Sora sighed, shaking his head at Roxas. He turned back to Repliku and said, "Okay, we're just gonna have a look around. Oh. By the way. I think it'd be better if Fairy Larxene didn't know we were here. Know what I'm saying? Huh?"

"Huh? Huh? Huh?" Roxas backed up-maybe a little too much, as he scared the poor thing.

"Stop it," Sora muttered.

"Of course. Go right in," Repliku whispered, and the trip walked into the factory.

They saw that it was full of pots and pipes and caged animals and Dusks. It was pretty much like a sweatshop, but in good condition. They heard explosions and saw multicolored lights coming from another room, and peered inside to see a hall. They walked in as she exclaimed, "A drop of desire." She giggled, "Naughty! A pinch of passion. And just a hint of…lust!" Larxene poured the whole bottle into the oversized cauldron, laughing all the while.

"Excuse me," Sora interrupted, causing her to gasp as the smoke was lifted away. "Sorry to barge in like this, but, uh…"

"What in Grimm's name are you doing here?" Larxene demanded, flying towards them. The curtain closed, hiding the pot.

"Well, it seems that Naminé's not exactly happy," Sora replied.

"Oh-ho-ho! And there's some question as to why that is? Well, let's explore that, shall we?" Larxene quipped as she flew over to a huge bookcase. "Ah, P, P, P, P P…Princess. Cinderella. Ah, here we are. 'Lived happily ever after.' Oh…" she laughed and cried before flinging the book away. "No ogres! Let's see. Snow White. A handsome prince. Oh, no ogres. Sleeping Beauty. Oh, no ogres! Hansel and Gretel? No! Thumbelina? No! The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman…No, no, no, no, no! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after."

"All, right, look, lady!" Sora growled, pointing his finger at her.

"Don't you point…those dirty green sausages at me!" she shouted back. They had an intense stare-off until a Dusk came in with a trolley, saying, "Your Monte Cristo and coffee." They all turned to glare at him, and he cried, "Oh! Sorry."

An idea popped into Sora's head, and he said, "Ah…that's okay. We were just leaving. Very sorry to have wasted your time, Miss Larxene."

"Just…go," she commanded, waving them away.

"Come on, guys," Sora said as the trio walked off.

Later on, a Dusk was whistling a happy tune when a big green hand grabbed him and dragged him into the janitor's closet. A little while after, Sora was wearing the suit, walking around the room. He made friendly conversation with the employees until he made his way to the Potion Room. He looked around, and opened a locked cupboard-like door, showing the hunimals trying to get out. "Hey, you want get your Corinthian footwear and your huat cheeks out of my face!" Roxas snapped. "Man, that stinks!"

Sora grabbed Axel's boots, and pulled him out, causing Roxas to fall to the floor. "Well, you don't exactly smell like a bottle of fire-scented cologne," Axel shot back.

"And I care about cologne because…?" Roxas replied. The three looked around in awe at the thousands of potions. Sora was trying to decide what to do.

"Well, one of these has got to help," he declared.

"Oh, I was just concocting this very plan!" Axel declared, being a kiss-up to the ogre. "Already our minds are becoming one."

"Now hey, whoa, whoa, whoa now. If we need an expert on licking ourselves, we'll give you a call," Roxas replied. He definitely didn't like the huat. "Sora, this is a bad idea."

"Look. Make yourself useful and go keep watch," Sora told the hunkey. Turning to the redhead, he said, "Axel, do you think you could get to those on top?"

"No problema, boss. In one of my nine lives, I was the great cat burglar of Santiago de Compostela. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" He started to climb as Roxas said, "Sora, are you off your nut?"

"Roxas, keep watch," he replied.

"Keep watch? Yeah, I'mma keep watch. I'mma watch that wicked witch come and whammy a world of hurt up your backside. I'mma laugh, too. I'mma gonna be giggling to myself," he muttered as he made his way back to the main room.

"What do you see?" Sora called up to Axel.

"Toad Stool Softener?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure a nice BM is the perfect solution for marital problems!" Roxas replied.

"Elfa Seltzer?"

"Uh-uh," Sora called.

"Hex Lax?"

"No! Try 'handsome.'"

Axel jumped, then called, "Sorry. No handsome." He then noticed a bottle, and cried, "Hey! How about 'Happily Ever After'?"

"Well, what does it do?"

"It says 'Beauty Divine.'"

"You know, in some cultures, donkeys are revered as some of the wisest of all creatures, and I'm part donkey! Especially the talking ones," Roxas interrupted.

Sora turned and saw Repliku talking to a Dusk. He gasped, "Roxas!" He turned to see that Repliku had seen them, and had run off. He turned back to Sora with a panicked expression. Sora called to Axel, "That'll have to do. We've got company." Axel took his claw and scratched a circle in the glass. He licked his paw, and put it on his circle, twisting until it came off.

"Can we get on with this?" Roxas hissed, earning a glare from Sora. Axel pulled at the thin part of the bottle, but the round part was stuck. He pulled and pulled, and Sora whisper-yelled, "Hurry!" The glass started to crack, and the whole window shattered as Axel and the potion went flying. He tried to grab it, but the bottle fell faster than him. Roxas dove, and caught the bottle-in his mouth.

"Nice catch, Roxas!" Sora congratulated.

"Finally! A good use for your mouth," Axel commented as he landed in his boots. The potions from the same shelf as the 'Happily Ever After' potion fell to the floor, and the alarm started to go off. _Ever Fallen In Love_ by Pete Yorn started to play, but the characters didn't notice as only the readers could hear it. They turned to see the door was starting to close, so Sora screamed, "Come on!" and grabbed the two hunimals and slid on his belly out to freedom. Axel grabbed his hat right before the door closed, and put it on right before Sora grabbed his hand. They sprinted to the door to see Repliku and some Twilight Thorns with arrow guns, and Sora, still holding his companions, skidded to a stop right before they started shooting. He rolled out of the way, and they ended up on the conveyer belt. He ran forward, unintentionally smashing bottles, and he fell off, then was pushed upwards onto a water-erm, potion-wheel. He climbed up it with difficulty, as it was going the opposite way, and jumped onto a wheel. As they spun around, Axel laughed with delight as Sora desperately held on and Roxas looked on in fear, still holding the bottle in his mouth. Sora jumped, and he landed in front of a big pot thing. He walked behind it, and pushed it over, causing Repliku and the Twilight Thorns to run away in fear. The purple potion spilled, and Sora jumped, and caught a vine. He watched as the swans turned into women, two of the Dusks turned back into Lumière and Cogsworth, and the Twilight Thorns and Repliku into doves. He threw Roxas and Axel onto the floor in a doorway, then landed next to them. The potion flew out of Roxas' mouth because of the impact, and Sora used his quick reflexives to catch it. The three then ran out the door.

"Oh, I don't care whose fault it is. Just get this place cleaned up!" Larxene snapped at a dove. "And somebody bring me something deep fried and smothered in chocolate!"

The doors burst in, and in strolled-guess who? If you guessed Prince Riku, congrats! Go buy yourself something deep fried and covered in chocolate! "Mother!" Riku called as he strolled into the room.

"Riku. Sweetheart," Larxene smiled as she flew over to her beloved son. "Oh, this isn't a good time, pumpkin. Mama's working."

"Whoa, what happened here?" Riku asked, looking around at the mess.

"The ogre, that's what!" Larxene grumbled.

"What? Where is he, Mom?" He took his sword out of its scabbard and swung it around, declaring, "I shall rend his head from his shoulders! I will smite him where he stands! He will rue the very day he stole my kingdom from me!" He glanced at the fresh bird poop on his shoulder as Larxene groaned, "Oh, put it away, Junior! You're still gonna be king. We're just gonna have to come up with something smarter, that's all."

"Pardon. Um…" the Repliku dove said as he flew up with a checklist. "Everything is accounted for, Fairy Larxene, except for one potion."

"What?" Larxene muttered as she snatched it from him. She gasped, "Oh…" She slyly remarked, "I do believe we can make this work to our advantage."


	10. Happily Ever After Potion Can't Be Good

**READ:**

**I know I'm getting hits on this, so can you please review? And I'm sorry this took so long, I kinda lost motivation. Sorry guys.**

**Disclaimer: Sora, Roxas, Axel, Naminé, Luxord, and Yuffie (c) Square Enix**

** Shrek (c) DreamWorks Animation  
**

"'Happily Ever After Potion. Maximum strength. For you and your true love. If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine. Happiness, comfort, and beauty divine,'" Sora read as the trio wandered through a meadow. Axel was chasing butterflies; it was actually really cute.

"You both will be fine?" Roxas asked, confused.

"I guess it means it'll affect Naminé, too," Sora replied as he popped off the cork.

Roxas and Axel turned as the hunkey said, "Hey, man, this don't feel right. My hunkey senses are tingling all over, so why don't you just drop that jug o' voodoo and let's get out of here."

"It says, 'Beauty Divine,'" Sora argued. "How bad can it be?" He sniffed it, and the…um, magic sparkly things tickled his nose. He sneezed, snorting some blue gunk onto a mushroom.

"Aha! See, you're allergic to that stuff. You're gonna have a reaction. And if you think I'll be smearing Vapor Rub all over your chest, think again!"

"Boss," Axel interrupted, knowing it would irritate Roxas, "just in case there is something wrong with the potion, allow me to take the first sip." He took off his hat and held it like he did when he did the pu-er, kitty eyes, "It would be an honor to lay my life on the line for you."

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think so," Roxas said in his face. "If there's gonna be any hunimal testing, I'm gonna do it. That's the best friend's job. Now give me that bottle." He snatched it in his mouth and chugged some down before Sora took it back. He smacked his lips, contemplating. Does it feel like blueberry? Or strawberry? Raspberry?

"How do you feel?" Sora asked.

After a moment of thought, Roxas replied, "I don't feel any different. I look any different?"

"You still look like an ass to me," Axel answered, crossing his arms and earning a glare from the blond at the same time.

"Maybe it doesn't work on hunkeys," Sora mused. He took a deep breath and declared, "Well, here's to us, Naminé."

"Sora. You drink that, there's no going back," Roxas informed him.

"I know." Sora prepared to drink it again.

"But…no more wallowing in the mud?"

"I know."

"And no more itchy butt crack?"

"I know!"

"But you love being an ogre!"

"I know!" Sora shouted. He sighed, "But I love Naminé more." He lifted it to his lips as Roxas cried, "Sora, no! Wait!" He was too late, though, because Sora had poured the rest of the potion into his mouth. He swallowed and looked around and smacked his lips before he looked down at his gurgling stomach. Roxas and Axel hid behind a log, and hoped for the best. The epic music reached a climax, and then…Sora gave a loud fart.

Roxas sniffed the air, and reamarked, "Whoowee! Ooh, got to be…Sora, I think you grabbed the 'Farty Ever After' potion." He backed away as Axel waved his hat towards the hunkey.

"Maybe it's a dud," Axel suggested.

"Or maybe Naminé and I were never meant to be," Sora concluded sadly. He looked up as thunder rumbled, and the sky clouded over as it started to rain.

"Uh-oh. What did I tell you?" Roxas cried as he ran out from his hiding place. "I feel something coming on. Ah, Sora, I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die! Oh, sweet sister, mother of mercy. I'm melting! I'm melting!" he wailed, collapsing on the ground. Axel watched in disgust-how could one be so dumb? he wondered-as Sora replied, still depressed, "It's just the rain, Roxas." He walked off as Roxas looked at his fur and chuckled, "Oh." He got up and followed his best green friend and the huat he disliked. Neither of them noticed the mushroom turn into a rose.

The unlikely trio spotted a little, abandoned shack, and decided that was where they were going to take cover for the night. After they had gotten inside, Sora kept the door open, staring at the castle in the distance. He gave a silent sigh, and looked down at Roxas, who smiled back up at him. He ruffled his hair, which the hunkey enjoyed immensely. Sora returned the smile, if only for a minute, but frowned again as he looked at his in-laws' home. He knew he didn't belong; but he sure wished he could, for Naminé's sake.

"Ah, Sora, don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Naminé's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you," Roxas tried to reassure his BFFAEAE, ignoring the hiss from Axel. "But it'll be better in the morning. You'll see…_The sun'll come out…Tomorrow_," he started singing. He yawned, but tried to continue, "_Bet your bottom…_"

"Bet my bottom?" Sora asked, confused. He looked back as Roxas shouted to the nonexistent wind, "I'm coming, Xion!" and collapsed, asleep,

"Roxas?" Sora cried, alarmed. "A-Are you all right?"

"Hey, boss," Axel murmured, excited. "Let's shave him."

"R-Roxas?" Sora muttered, and then groaned, holding his head in one hand. He then proceeded to collapse on top of Axel, who shrieked.

**BACK AT THE CASTLE…**

Luxord was reading a scroll while Yuffie sipped a cup of tea in their library, sitting by the fire. They looked up as Naminé walked in. He rolled it back up, smiling, as he declared, "There you are! We missed you at dinner."

Yuffie stopped smiling as she noticed her daughter's expression. "What is it darling?"

"Dad…" Naminé replied softly. "I've been thinking about what you said. And I'm gonna set things right.

"Ah! Excellent!" Luxord cried, pleased. "That's my girl."

"It was a mistake to bring Sora here. I'm gonna go out and find him. And then we're gonna go back to the swamp where we belong," Naminé stated. She started to walk away.

Luxord looked back at his wife's angry expression, and his changed to one of distress as he got out of his chair to run after her. Naminé picked up her bag and walked off, ignoring Yuffie's cry. "Naminé, please!

"Let's not be rash, darling." Luxord cried as Their Majesties ran after her. "You can't go anywhere right now."

Naminé threw the doors open, and as the rain pattered, she started to feel faint, and collapsed onto the floor. "Naminé!" her parents cried, racing over to her.

Axel waved his hat on Sora's face, who was in the exact same position as Naminé, trying to revive him. Roxas…well, if he stayed like that, Axel would be pleased.


	11. The Effects of Happily Ever After Potion

A bright light flashed, bursting out of all the openings in the abandoned shack.

In the castle, Queen Yuffie and King Luxord worriedly tucked Naminé into bed. Yuffie glanced at her daughter, and then walked out. Luxord stayed a little longer, watching, fearing that he had caused this. He reluctantly followed Yuffie out, and after he closed the door, another bright light flashed, in the windows and the balcony.

Sora woke to a whispering. "Look, I told you he was here. Look at him! Quiet. Look at him." He groaned as he slowly blinked his eyes open to see a girl lying across from him, staring…lovingly. "Good morning, sleepyhead," she murmured, smiling. He cried out, shocked, sitting up to see there were three girls. Two were staring at him like they were in love, and the other was cuddling Axel. All three cried, "Good morning!"

"We love your kitty!" the one who was holding Axel cooed.

"Oh…My head…" Sora groaned, standing up. He hadn't yet processed the fact that the girls weren't screaming.

"Here, I fetched you a pail of water," the girl who had been staring at him gushed, standing with him and brandishing a bucket.

"Thanks," Sora said, looking down at his hands. His _human_ hands. "Uhh!" He grabbed the bucket, and his face stared back at him. His _non-green, tanned_ face. "Aahh!" He dropped it in shock. "Oh…" He felt around his face, saying, "How did this happen? I'm…I'm…"

"Gorgeous!" Lying Girl gushed.

"I'll say," Other Girl agreed.

"I'm Rikku. What's your name?" Lying Girl asked.

"Um…Sora."

"Sora? Wow. Are you from Disney?" Rikku asked.

"Uh…"

"You're so tense," Other-I mean, Paine-remarked.

"I want to rub his shoulders!" Rikku whined.

"I got it covered, thanks," Paine replied.

"I haven't got anything to rub," Cat Gi-um, Yuna-cried.

"Well, get in line," Rikku replied.

Sora nervously said, "Have you ladies seen my hunkey?"

"Who are you calling hunkey?" a voice shouted back. The four turned to see Roxas. A _changed_ Roxas.

"Roxas? You're a…" Sora fumbled.

"A huallion, baby!" Roxas shouted in glee. (huallion=human/stallion) "I can whinny." Cue whinny. "I can count. Look at me, Sora! I'm trotting! That's some quality potion. What's in that stuff?"

"'Oh, don't take the potion, Mr. Boss, it's very bad,'" Axel mocked. "Pah!" He picked up the empty bottle and read, "'Warning: Side effects may include: burning, itching, oozing, weeping. Not intended for heart patients or those with…nervous disorders.'" He brought it down and looked at Roxas, who was chanting, "I'm trotting, I'm trotting in place! Yeah!" He looked over to see he was receiving the following: a weirded out look from Sora, Paine, Yuna, and Rikku, and a content look from Axel. "What?" he asked.

"Señor?" Axel interrupted, addressing Sora. "'To make the effects of this potion permanent, the drinker must obtain his true love's kiss by midnight.'"

"Midnight?" Sora exclaimed, snatching the bottle away. "Why is it always midnight?"

"Oh, pick me! I'll be your true love!" Paine cried.

"I'll be your true love," Rikku pushed in.

"I'll be true…enough," Yuna said.

"Heh, look, ladies, I already have a true love," Sora informed them as they cornered him.

"Oh…" they sighed in unison.

"And take it from me, Boss," Axel said. "You are going to have one satisfied Princess."

"And let's face it. You are a lot easier on the eyes," Roxas agreed. "But inside, you're still the old mean, salty-"

"Easy," Sora interrupted.

"-cantankerous, foul-"

"All right, then."

"-angry ogre you always been."

"And you're still the same annoying hunkey," Sora shot back.

"Yeah!" Roxas agreed.

Sora sighed. "Well…Look out, Princess. Here comes the new me." And then…his pants fell down, seeing as the rough texture of an ogres skin wasn't there to properly hold his pants up.

"Uh…first things first. We need to get you out of all those clothes," Roxas said. The three girls gasped in delight.

A coach was driving down the road at that time. Sora, Roxas, and Axel poked their heads out. "Ready?" Sora asked.

"Ready!" Axel and Roxas replied. The three ducked back down.

The coach rode on, until Roxas screamed.

"Driver, stop!" the nobleman exclaimed.

"Oh, God! Help me, please! My racing days are over!" Roxas hammed it up as the nobleman rushed out. "I'm blind! Tell the truth. Will I ever be able to play the violin again?"

"Oh, you poor creature!" the nobleman cried. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Well, I guess there is one thing," Roxas replied after faking contemplating it. Axel jumped off from behind and brandished his foil, declaring, "Take off the powdered wig and step away from your drawers."

A few minutes later, Sora put on the wig with difficulty as Axel commented, "Not bad."

"Not bad at all," Roxas agreed. Sora looked down with disbelief at the clothes…that didn't fit him. He looked back up at the two of them, and after a moment, the two burst out laughing. Sora, annoyed, picked the mole off his face.

"Father? Is everything all right, Father?" the nobleman's son asked. Roxas and Axel stood back up, and smiled slyly at him.

After a failed attempt at hiding, a struggle, and a dressing later, Sora and Axel were on Roxas' back as Sora waved at them, declaring, "Thank you, gentlemen! Someday, I will repay you." He took of the wig and remarked, "Unless, of course, I can't find you or if I forget." Roxas reared back, whinnying, and Axel fell off. Muttering in angry Spanish, he ran after he two.


	12. And Now,We're Sexy!

Sora, Roxas, and Axel rode warily into Far, Far, Away, staring at the people who were staring at the newly handsome, non-green Sora. He nervously waved at three men with pitchforks, who happily waved back. They rode past a mirror, where Sora saw what he looked like-again-and smiled charmingly at his reflection. He saluted three women, and waved at everyone who was staring while Roxas whinnied and sprinted forward, towards the castle.

"Halt!" a guard demanded.

"Tell Princess Naminé that her husband, Sir Sora, is here to see her," Sora breathlessly replied. A guard ran up the steps to do just that, and the camera panned to Naminé's room. She yawned, and slowly got out of bed, attempting to remember what had happened the night before. She poured water into a bowl, washed her face, and dried off with a towel. She looked into the mirror, and screamed at her human face.

"Naminé!" Sora cried.

"Sora?" Naminé breathed.

Sora jumped off Roxas and sprinted up the steps, and hearing her cry his name again, ran upstairs as she ran outside. He burst into her bedroom, and saw a cloaked figure floating in front of him. Wait, _floating_?

"Hello, handsome," Larxene greeted as she shook off the bedsheet.

"Sora!" Naminé shouted as she raced down the stairs.

"Princess!" Roxas cried.

"Roxas?" she asked, confused.

"Wow! That potion worked on you, too, huh?" he declared, looking her over.

"What potion?" she demanded.

"Oh, it's kind of a long story. But see, Sora and I took some magic potion. And, well, now we're sexy!" Roxas explained. Naminé, still confused, looked onto his back and asked, "Sora?"

Axel looked up from licking…um, himself, to say, "For you, baby…I could be."

"Yeah, you wish," Roxas shot back.

"Roxas, where is Sora?" Naminé demanded, becoming impatient.

"He just went inside looking for you," he told her, gesturing with his head to the door. She sprinted back up the stairs, determined to find her husband.

"Sora?" she called once inside, heading up more stairs.

"Naminé! Naminé!" he cried, running to the door, but Larxene waved her wand and the door closed and the dresser moved in front of it, saying, "You wanna dance, pretty boy?" Sora looked around, and ran towards the balcony. But with another flick of the wand, the doors closed there too.

"Are you going so soon?" Larxene taunted. "Don't you want to see your wife?" He glared at her with his bright blue eyes.

"Naminé?" Said platinum blonde haired girl looked towards the voice to see a silver haired boy.

"Sora?" she murmured, amazed.

"Aye, Naminé. It is me," Riku-erm, Sora, said, walking forward.

"What happened to your voice?" she asked, looking at him closely.

"Uh…The potion changed a lot of things, Naminé," he 'explained.' "But not the way I feel about you."

"Naminé?" Yuffie called as she and Luxord hurried forward. Luxord, confused, muttered, "Riku?"

"Do you think so?" Riku asked. Oh, did you know that Riku means Charming in Farish? Yeah, I didn't either. Riku laughed, "Dad. I was so hoping you'd approve."

"Um…who are you?" Yuffie asked, wondering who the HECK this dude was.

"Mom, it's me, Sora," Riku 'explained.' "I know you never get a second chance at a first impression, but, well, what do you think?" Luxord nervously smiled, Yuffie looked on, confused, and Naminé, also confused, let the Fara-get it? Fake? Sora?...No?-as the real Sora screamed, "Naminé! Naminé!" He banged on the windows in desperation. "Naminé!" he cried once more, desperate.

"Naminé, Naminé! Ho-ho-ho!" Larxene mimicked, enjoying every second of it. "Oh, shoot! I don't think they can hear us, pigeon." Sora deeply sighed. Larxene continued, "Don't you think you've already messed up her life enough?"

"I just wanted her to be happy," he sighed.

"And now she can be," she replied as they turned away from the window. "Oh, sweetheart. She's finally found the prince of her dreams."

"But look at me. Look at what I've done for her," Sora protested.

"It's time you stop living in a fairy tale, Sora. She's a princess, and you're an ogre. That's something no amount of potion is ever going to change." Sora looked gloomily at her, and then looked back out the window to his wife and her family. "But…" he murmured. "I love her."

"If you really love her…you'll let her go," Larxene told him.

Sora walked out of the castle, depressed. "Sora?" Roxas probed, concerned.

"Señor?" Axel asked.

"What's going on? Where are you going?" Roxas asked as Sora walked right past them.

Naminé and Riku walked down the hall with Riku's arm around her waist. She looked over her shoulder at her parents, skeptical, then back to Riku. Luxord and Yuffie looked after them as Yuffie said, "You wouldn't have anything to do with this, would you, Luxord?" Luxord just looked down in guilt.

Sora stomped down the street, depressed and angry, but mostly depressed, as Roxas and Axel followed, hoping that things would turn out for the best.


	13. Mother?

Captain Hook played his piano; it was a sad tune, which fitted the mood perfectly. "There you go, boys," Anastasia Tremaine said, handing Axel, Roxas, and Sora a bottle of milk for their cups.

"Just leave the bottle, Anastasia," Axel ordered, looking on sadly.

The ugly stepsister picked up an empty skull and asked, "Hey, why the long face?"

Sora answered, "It was all just a stupid mistake. I never should have rescued her from that tower in the first place."

Axel drained his drink and sighed, "I hate Mondays."

"I can't believe you're just gonna walk away from the best thing that's ever happened to you," Roxas admonished Sora.

"What choice do I have?" Sora asked. "She loves that pretty boy, Prince Riku."

"Aw, come on, now. Is he really that good-looking?" Roxas asked.

"Are you kidding?" Anastasia demanded. "He's gorgeous! He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels." She walked off to go help another customer.

"Oh," Axel said. "He sounds dreamy."

"You know…" Sora said sarcastically, "…shockingly, this isn't making me feel any better." He put a hand to his face and sighed. "Look guys. It's for the best. Mom and Dad approve, and Naminé gets the man she's always dreamed of. Everybody wins." As Sora took a drink, a cloaked figure walked in and over to Anastasia.

"Except for you," Roxas said gently. "I don't get it, Sora. You love Naminé."

"Aye," Sora agreed. "And that's why I have to let her go."

"Um, excuse me, is she here?" the cloaked figure asked, sounding remarkably like Luxord. Sora looked over, confused.

"She's, uh…" Anastasia looked behind her. "…in the back."

Sora looked away, doubly confused.

"Oh, hello again," Luxord greeted Aeleus and Dilan. With a nervous laugh, he looked over his shoulder, and walked inside. He took the hood off, and closed the door behind him before turning around to see Larxene and Riku. "Larxene. Riku."

Larxene sighed, examining her nails. "You'd better have a good reason for dragging us down here, Luxord."

"Well, I'm afraid Naminé isn't really…warming up to Prince Riku," Luxord replied.

"Um, FYI, not my fault," Riku snottily put in.

"No, of course it's not, dear," Larxene reassured him.

"I mean, how charming can I be when I have to pretend to be that dreadful ogre?" Riku whined.

"No, no, it's nobody's fault," Luxord interrupted, walking over to the window. "Uhm, perhaps it's best if we just call the whole thing off, okay?" He didn't notice Sora listening in by the window.

"What?" Larxene and Riku exclaimed.

"You can't force someone to fall in love!" Luxord argued.

"I beg to differ. I do it all the time!" Larxene shot back. She brought out a bottle from…somewhere, I don't know, it wasn't in the records. Well, what do you expect me to do, I'm getting all of this off a document! Anyways, back to the story. She gave the bewildered king a bottle and said, "Have Naminé drink this and she'll fall in love with the first man she kisses, which will be Riku." Sora listened in, bewildered.

"Umm…no," Luxord said.

"What did you say?" Larxene asked dangerously.

"I can't. I won't do it."

"Oh, yes, you will," Larxene said. "If you remember, I helped you with your happily ever after. And I can take it away just as easily. Is that what you want? Is it?" Her wand started glowing in Luxord's face.

"No," Luxord surrendered after a slight hesitation.

"Good boy," Larxene said cheerily, floating back to her seat next to Riku. "Now, we have to go. I need to do Riku's hair before the ball. He's hopeless. Y'know, it only shines in the front. He can never get it in the back. You always need someone to do the back of your hair."

"Oh," Riku replied just as cheerily. "Thank you, Mother."

"Mother?" Roxas exclaimed, causing Luxord, Riku, and Larxene to look over at the window to see Sora, Roxas, and Axel looking in on them.

"Um...Xion! A talking hurse!" Sora 'explained.' (hurse=human/horse)

"The ogre!" Larxene cried in anger.

Sora and Axel rode on Roxas' back past the Poison Apple Bar, barreling into the Headless Horseman and guards. Larxene flew after them, crying, "Stop them! Thieves! Bandits! Stop them!" She sent a blast of Thunder magic after them, and…

DUN. DUN. DUNNNNNN.


	14. A Little Breather

Fireworks went off above the castle of Far, Far Away as the announcer, the Mirror, declared, "Well, the abs are fab and it's gluteus to the maximus here at tonight's Far, Far Away Royal Ball blowout! The coaches are lined up as the cream of the crop pours out of them like Miss Muffet's curds and whey."

Tifa interrupted on the red carpet, "Everyone who's anyone has turned out to honor Princess Naminé and Prince Sora. And, oh, my, the outfits look gorgeous! Look! Hansel and Gretel! What the heck are the crumbs for? And right behind them, Tom Thumb and Thumbelina! Oh, aren't they adorable?" Queue the screaming when they're swept away by the dust sweepers. "Here comes Sleeping Beauty! Oh! Tired old thing. Oh! Who's this? Who's this? Who is this? Oh. It's the one, it's the only…It's the Fairy Godmother! Or, as she prefers, Larxene!"

"Hello, Far, Far Away!" Larxene laughed as she flew out of her pink coach. "Can I get a whoop whoop?"

"Whoop whoop!" the crowd cheered.

"May all your endings be happy and…Well, you know the rest!" she laughed, disappearing with a poof.

The Mirror continued, "We'll be right back with the Royal Far, Far Away Ball after these messages." His face appeared as the screen went to commercials.

"I hate these ball shows," Demyx grumbled. He, Pinocchio, Zeke, the Three Pigs, and the Three Blind Mice were sitting on Sora's couch, watching "T.V." "They bore me to tears. Flip over to Wheel Of Torture!"

"I'm not flipping anywhere, sir, until I see Sora and Naminé," Pinocchio bit back, as he was holding the remote.

"Aw, whizzes on you guys," Demyx moaned. "Hey, mice, pass me a buffalo wing! No, no, to your left. Your left!" The y threw one and…it landed into the dirty fishbowl. Demyx shook his gingerbread head.


	15. It's The Old One I Fell In Love With

A burly knight (BK) announced, "Tonight, on 'Knights'…"

"Ah, now here's a good show!" Demyx exclaimed excitedly.

"We got a white huanco (human/bronco) heading east into the forest. Requesting backup," a knight ordered as the camera showed the changed Sora and Roxas, with Axel, riding through the forest and Far, Far Away.

The BK declared, "It's now time for these men of steel to teach these madcap mammals their 'devil may mare' attitude just won't fly."

Sora struggled as the knights honed down on him and Roxas screamed, "Why are you grabbing me? Police brutality! Police brutality!"

"I have to talk to Princess Naminé!" Sora yelled at the guards as he still struggled.

"We warned you!" one of the knights cried, spraying pepper into Sora's eyes.

"Ow! Ow!" Sora practically screamed. Yeah, yeah, I know you're laughing, but pepper in your eyes HURTS.

BK said, "Did they get away with it? Or did someone let the cat out of the bag?"

"You capitalist pig dogs!" Axel snarled. He flailed about as a knight picked him up, screeching as only a huat/cat can, and lunged for his face. Eventually, someone managed to pin him to a wall, and they found a package of what looked like drugs.

"Huatnip," a knight confirmed.

"Uh, that's not mine," Axel nervously stated.

As the knights forced the trio into a carriage, Sora cried to the camera, "Find Princess Naminé!"

"I'm a hunkey!" Roxas cried as he was forced in.

"Tell her Sora…I'm her husband, Sora!" They sprayed more pepper into his eyes, and the screen froze, and the word KINGHTS was 'stamped' at the top.

"Quick! Rewind it!" Demyx cried, jumping up and dropping his buffalo wing. Pinocchio did.

"Sora! I'm her husband, Sora! Ow!" They paused it, and everyone had their mouths open in shock, and looked at each other.

Luxord poured two cups of tea with a forlorn look on his face, the bottle beside him. He put the teapot down, and reluctantly took the bottle with the love potion. He reluctantly pulled off the lid, and poured it into one of the cups. Pink smoke swirled up and formed a heart before being sucked back into the tea.

He knocked on the door before entering. "Darling?" he asked, keeping the door open with his back. Naminé was looking out the large window in her playroom. "Ah. I thought I might find you here. How about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball?"

"I'm not going," she replied.

"Bu-bu-but the whole Kingdom's turned out to celebrate your marriage," Luxord protested.

"There's just one problem. That's not my husband." She looked back at him, and gestured out the window. "I mean, look at him." Riku was waving out to the crowd on the red carpet.

"Yes, he is a bit different," Luxord amended, "but people change for the ones they love. You'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother."

"Change?" Naminé declared in disbelief. "He's completely lost his mind!"

"Darling, why come down to the ball and give him another chance? I mean, you might find you like this new Sora."

"But it's the old one I fell in love with, Dad," she sighed. She looked back out the window and continued, "I'd give anything to have him back." She reached down for a cup, but Luxord protested, "Darling. That's mine. Decaf." He picked it up. "Otherwise I'm up all night." She took the other one, blew on it, and took a drink. She smiled back at her dad, and said, "Thanks." He smiled back, if sheepishly, but it slowly turned to a grimace.


	16. It's Alive!

"I got to get out of here!" Roxas screamed. The trio was chained to a wall in a tower by handcuffs-Roxas was upside down, chained by all four hooves. "You can't lock us up like this! Let us out! What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent. Nobody said I had the right to remain silent!"

"Roxas!" Sora snapped. "You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity."

"I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad," Axel sighed.

"Sora? Roxas?" The trio looked up to see the Three Blind Mice, Demyx, Pinocchio, Zeke, and the Three Pigs looking down at them from the sewer-like ceiling. Axel looked straight ahead. "Too late."

"Demyx! Pinocchio! Get us out of here!" Sora ordered.

One of the mice struck a match and tried to light the dynamite, but instead fell through a hole. Fifer Pig shook his head, and lit the wire. "Fire in the hole!" he called down before he and the other pigs ran away. Sora, Roxas, and Axel ducked their heads and shut their eyes during the explosion. Zeke looked down, and waved his arm. Pinocchio, with his strings attached-and the key-jumped down, with the Three Pigs controlling the strings. He performed many aerobic flips before stopping in front of them. Thing was, when he had done the flips, he had tangled himself. He tried to untangle himself, but he couldn't. Demyx sighed in exasperation, and slid down the rope, calling, "Look out below!" He landed on Pinocchio's back.

"Quick! Tell a lie!" Sora demanded.

"Well, uh, what should I say?" Pinocchio asked.

"Anything, but quick!" Demyx told him.

"Say something crazy like, 'I'm wearing ladies' underwear!'" Roxas answered.

"Um, I'm wearing ladies' underwear," Pinocchio said, and shut his eyes. His nose didn't grow.

Sora gave a little laugh, an idea forming. "Are you?"

"I most certainly am not!" Pinocchio protested, and his nose grew.

Roxas caught on, and teased, "It looks like you most certainly am are!"

"Am not!" It grew.

"What kind?" Axel jeered.

"It's a thong!" Demyx chortled, a pink thong in his hand.

"Oww! They're briefs!" Pinocchio replied

"Are not!" Demyx called as he took the key and ran down the growing nose.

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

Demyx unlocked Sora's hands, saying, "Here we go. Hang tight."

Sora jumped down, and Axel followed. Roxas protested, "Wait, wait, wait! Ow! Ow! Hey, hey, hey!" He fell on his back. "OW!"

Sora walked forward, looking intently out the window at the castle.

"Excuse me?" the mouse asked, his voice muffled.

"What?" Sora snapped. He looked over and growled, "Axel!"

Axel looked up, his mouth full. "Pardon me," the mouse said, "would you mind letting me go?" Axel spat him out and said, "Sorry, boss."

"Quit messing around!" Sora snapped. "We've got to stop that kiss!"

"I thought you was going to let her go," Roxas commented as he stood up.

"I was, but I can't let them do this to Naminé," Sora answered angrily.

"Boom! That's what I like to hear. Look who's finally coming around!" Roxas shouted happily.

"But this is impossible!" Axel protested, putting his hat back on. "We'll never get in. The castle is guarded. There's a moat and everything!"

Demyx jumped onto the windowsill and declared sadly, "Well, folks, it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick."

Sora thought hard, and suddenly realized something. He stared intently at Demyx, who asked, "What?"

"Do you still know the Muffin Man?" Sora demanded.

"Well, sure! He's down on Drury Lane. Why?"

"Because we're gonna need flour." Sora smirked. "Lots and lots of flour."

After miraculously getting out of the tower…

Sora knocked on the door, and out peered the Muffin Man. He smiled and cried, "Demyx!"

"Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man!" Demyx replied, jumping up and down on Sora's shoulder. "We've got a big order to fill!"

Lightning flashed behind the cottage on Drury Lane, and the Muffin Man gave an evill chuckle.

"It's alive!" Demyx screeched.

In a café by the castle, two customers' tea rattled. Confused, they looked in the direction away from the castle and gasped. Palm trees toppled over, and Roxas, galloping down the street with Pinocchio, the Pigs, Zeke, the Mice, and Axel, whinnied, "Run, run, run, as fast as you can!" The people started screaming as they saw Xigbar, the biggest gingerbread cookie EVER, strode down the street, with Sora on his shoulder, and Demyx on Sora's. "Go, baby, go!" Demyx gleefully cried. Xigbar smashed the Fairy Godmother billboard as Sora informed, "There it is, Xigbar! To the castle! No, no, no, no, no, you great stupid pastry! Come on! Stay away from the Starbucks coffee!" The people screamed and ran out of the Starbucks as Xigbar tried to take a drink out of the giant, fake coffe cup. He whimpered sadly as he realized there was no coffee, and dropped it to the ground.

"Xigbar!" Roxas called, jumping up and down. "Down here! Look at the huny!" (human/pony) Xigbar "ooh"-ed, and followed him happily, giggling, as Roxas ran to the castle, saying, "That's right! Follow the handsome huny! Handsome huny wants to play at the castle!"

"Handsome huny," Xigbar giggled, following Roxas.

This can't be good for the castle…


	17. Xigbar, the Party Crashing Cookie

Luxord brought Naminé forward on his arm, like he was giving her away to her husband, and Riku took her hand as the announcer declared, "Ladies and gentlemen. Presenting Princess Naminé and her new husband, Prince Sora." The audience clapped as Riku waved to the crowd and the 'couple' walked down the stairs. Yuffie looked on as she clapped.

Riku kissed his fingers and waved as Naminé murmured, "Sora, what are you doing?"

"I'm just playing the part, Naminé," he replied. She looked closely, and asked in disbelief, "Is that glitter on your lips?"

"Mm. Cherry flavored. Want to taste?" he asked seductively.

"Ugh!" She pulled away. "What is with you?"

"But, Muffin Cake…" She turned and stalked up the stairs, and Riku looked desperately at his mother. Larxene desperately thought, and got an idea as the piano player, well, played. She suddenly snapped her fingers, and flew up the stairs, saying, "C Minor, put it in C Minor." She then turned to the crowd as the spotlight was put on her and said, "Ladies and gentlemen." She waved her wand, and her dress became a sparkly, skin-tight blue dress. Her wand became a microphone, and she spoke into it, "I'd like to dedicate this song to…Princess Naminé and Prince Sora." Naminé froze and turned as she realized there was a spotlight on her, and there was no way she was going to get away from the party.

Riku turned and extended his hand, saying, "Naminé, my Princess. Would you honor me with a dance?"

L: _Where have all the good men gone,_

_And where are all the gods?_

The crowd chanted, "Dance! Dance! Dance!"

L: _Where's the streetwise Hercules_

_To fight the rising odds?_

Naminé reluctantly took his hand, and the crowd cheered as the couple made their way to the dance floor. "Since when do you dance?" she demanded quietly so the crowd wouldn't hear.

"Naminé, my dearest, if there's one thing I know, it's that love is full of surprises," Riku replied nonchalantly.

L: _Late at night I toss and I turn_

_And I dream of what I need._

_Hit it!_

An acapella group sang "Aah" as the music sped up and became more upbeat.

L: _I need a hero!_

"All right, big fella!" Sora cried to Xigbar. "Let's crash this party!"

The captain of the guards screamed at his men as he put his helmet on, "Man the catapults!"

A knight ran over with a flaming torch and lit a ball. "Aim! Fire!" The guard pulled the lever, and the flaming ball flew.

"Brace yourselves!" Sora cried.

"Ooh! Purty!" Xigbar said in awe. He groaned as it his one of his gumdrop buttons, and nearly stepped on Roxas and co. The gang-save for Axel-jumped off Roxas, and he in turn galloped away from Xigbar. It fell off, and Demyx gasped, "Not the gumdrop button!" Xigbar looked at the flaming button in shock, then his face was contorted in anger and he gave a terrifying howl. Sora and Demyx were covering their ears when Xigbar kicked the flaming gumdrop at the castle guards. "Incoming!" the captain screamed as they ran and it a catapult.

"Ha-ha! All right!" Roxas cried as he reared back with Axel waving his hat.

Riku and Naminé were whirling around the dance floor, with Larxene still singing. He let her go, and she twirled to face him, to see him putting a rose in his mouth and he waltzed back over to her to continue dancing. Luxord held his face in his hand, and Yuffie smiled over at him.

L: _Somewhere after midnight_

_In my wildest fantasy_

"Go, Xigbar! Go!" Sora cried happily. The giant, angry gingerbread cookie ignored the flaming balls, and the captain cried, "Man the cauldrons!" They opened a keg, and poured boiling hot foam into the cauldrons.

"After you, Xigbar," Sora called to him. Xigbar grabbed the drawbridge, and struggled to open it. "That's it! Heave-ho!"

"Watch out!" Demyx shouted, looking up. Sora and Xigbar looked up, just to get drenched in boiling hot foam. Xigbar went down under the pressure.

"Sora!" Roxas called as he and Axel looked up in fear. The captain looked down, just to back away as Xigbar came up, sporting an afro. He called to his men, "More heat, less foam!"

Larxene was dominating the stage, singing: _Up where the mountains_

_Meet the heavens above!_

_Out where the lightning splits the sea!_

_I could swear there is someone_

_Somewhere watching me._

Xigbar grasped the drawbridge again, and Sora shouted as he ran down Xigbar's arm, "Heave! Ho!" He and Xigbar looked up to see more, hotter foam raining down on them, and it hit Xigbar right in the face. His arms broke off, and Sora hung on the arm for dear life. Demyx, in slow motion, jumped off Sora and leapt for his brother, screaming, "No!" as Xigbar landed in the moat. Sora, seeing that he couldn't catch Demyx, decided to let his friends handle it, and climbed up the arm into the castle through the small opening. There was one problem: the guards were closing it, and were shattering the arms. He jumped inside just as the door closed.

Riku performed some fancy footwork, dragging a bemused Naminé with him, and still holding the rose in his mouth. He spat it out, and held Naminé by the waist. He leaned in for a kiss, and Naminé desperately put the rose in her mouth. She smiled up at him, and he just decided to go with the flow and continued dancing.


	18. A Party To Remember

**Hello :) just here to say that I own nothing! :(**

Sora swung down to the ground on the chain and kicked one guard in the face, thus causing a domino effect. He turned to see the chain spinning, and the moat bridge going down. Roxas and Co. looked back at him, and he gave a whistle, standing there with his hands on his hips. "Come on!" he cried, gesturing towards the party. The gang cheered, except for two.

"No way!" Demyx wailed, standing on Xigbar's rapidly sinking face.

"Be good," Xigbar pleaded with a smile on his face as it became submerged in the moat. Demyx wept bitterly, and would have gone with him if Axel hadn't hit him up into the air while on Roxas' back, and landed in Pinocchio's hands, who promptly started running. The cookie protested, sobbing, "He needs me! Let me go!" Sora swung onto Roxas' back as he galloped by, and they raced towards the party. Guards rushed forward from the entrance. "Roxas!" Sora warned, and the hurse (horse/human combo) jumped over them. The guards chased them as Roxas turned and made his way through the castle. It's a lot more epic than I'm making it sound, trust me on that one. Axel jumped off as the guards turned the corner a while after Roxas did. "Axel!" Sora cried, looking back. Roxas did too, both confused and worried. Roxas skidded to a stop to turn, and as he was about to run back, Axel shouted at them, "Go! Go! Your lady needs you! Go!" Sora, conflicted, made Roxas turn back and race to the party. Axel turned to the guards and muttered, as he took off his hat, "Today, I repay my debt."

The guards skidded to a stop as they saw a hitty with big puppy dog eyes. They all sighed, "Aww…" But of course, that was before Axel gave a battle growl, "On guard!" and brandished his foil and fought with them all.

Larxene was working the stage as the spotlight still rained on Naminé and Riku's dancing.

L: _He's gotta be strong, _

_And he's gotta be fresh from the fight._

Riku leaned down to tenderly kiss Naminé on the lips as Sora rode in, screaming, "Stop!" The party looked up at the hunimal and the human. Larxene growled, Roxas whinnied and galloped down the steps. Sora snarled and jumped off, stalking forward, "Hey, you! Back away from my wife."

"Sora?" she gasped, walking forward. The crowd gasped, and Larxene flew in and growled furiously, "You couldn't just go back to your swamp and leave well enough alone."

"Now!" Sora cried, and the Three Little Pigs cried, "Pigs und blanket!" and Fiddler jumped off like a trampoline and lunged at Larxene. She tried to shake him off her leg as Sora swung Pinocchio by his strings, ordering, "Pinocchio! Get the wand!"

"I see London! I see France!" the pig taunted.

"Wah!" Pinocchio cried as he reached for the wand, but she pulled her hand back, and she blasted her magic at him, turning him into a real boy. "I'm a real boy!" he cried happily as he landed on the stage. She turned, grinning maliciously, and she gave a big kick and sent the poor pig flying into an open window, nearly knocking out one of the maids. She moved to wave her wand at Sora, but Zeke stepped in, and he huffed and puffed at her. Larxene flew up, screaming in anger, and she conveniently dropped her wand, which Practical caught. He ran across the stage, Larxene close on his heels. "Catch!" he cried, throwing it before she could snatch it away.

Roxas galloped forward, and caught it in his mouth. "Roxas!" screamed Demyx, and Roxas threw it, and the cookie caught it. Larxene swooped down, and Demyx brought the wand down too low for her, and she flew right above it. He swung it, and it hit the Three Mice, who didn't catch it. Magic blasted out as it hit the ground, and hit Pinocchio, who was singing that he was a real boy.

Larxene and Sora noticed at the same time that the wand was down on the ground, and ran forward. Larxene grabbed it, but Sora knocked it out of her hands, and Roxas sprinted forward and Axel-wait, when'd he get there? Eh, whatever-ran on his back, jumped up, and caught it. Roxas glared at the evil fairy, and declared, "Pray for mercy from Axel…"

"And Roxas!" Axel finished, brandishing the wand.

Larxene, desperate, screamed at Riku, "She's taken the potion! KISS HER NOW!" Riku ran forward, grabbed the blonde princess, and kissed her tenderly.

"No!" Sora screamed in despair, too late. He sank down on his knees, defeated. Luxord walked forward cautiously and Larxene grinned maliciously. Riku pulled away, and smiled at Naminé, who looked at him, dazed. Sora sighed and looked away, hopeless. Riku cupped her cheek and took his hand away. Naminé, in turn, cupped his cheeks, smiled at him, and proceeded to scream, "Hi-ya!" and head-butt him, knocking him out cold. The crowd gasped as Riku comically collapsed on the floor.

Sora got up, disbelieving. He murmured, "Naminé."

"Sora," she breathed, and the two walked towards each other, amazed.

"Luxord!" Larxene shrieked, flying into his face. "You were supposed to give her the potion!"

"Well, I guess I gave her the wrong tea," he cheekily replied.

"Mommy!" Riku cried, pulling the wand out of Axel's paws and throwing it to her. Wait, wait, wait, hold it-when did he wake up?

"Mommy?" Naminé asked, confused. Larxene caught it, and growled, "I told you. Ogres don't live happily ever after." Naminé clung to Sora, frightened, and Sora glared up at the evil fairy. Magic piled up in her wand, and she flung it at the couple. Sora pushed Naminé out of the way, and Luxord ran forward, ignoring Yuffie's frightened, "Luxord!"

"Sora!" Naminé cried as Luxord screamed, "No!" and jumped in front of his son-in-law. It hit his armor square in the chest and it bounced back at her, and she gasped in fear as the magic hit her and she was flung back. She looked down, and prepared to load some more magic, but she exploded into bubble before she could do any more damage. Her wand and glasses fell to the floor.

Naminé got up, and she and Sora sprinted to what was "left" of Luxord-his armor. She cried, "Oh, Dad!" Sora hugged her as she sobbed into his shirt, and Yuffie ran over, disbelieving. Tears ran down her face.

"Is he…?" Demyx asked, depressed.

"Yup," Pinocchio replied.

A croak came from the armor. Wait…

"He croaked," Demyx moaned.

A frog grabbed onto the top of the armor and pulled itself up. There was a crown on its head.

"Luxord?" Yuffie asked, bemused.

"Dad?" Naminé gasped.

The frog, Luxord, sighed, "I'd hoped you'd never see me like this."

"Man! And he gave you a hard time!" Roxas growled. Axel glared down, suspicious.

"Roxas!" Sora snapped.

"No, no, he's right," Luxord intervened. "I'm sorry. To both of you. I only wanted what was best for Naminé. But I can see now…she already has it." Sora and Naminé smiled at each other.

"Sora, Naminé..." Luxord continued. "Will you accept an old frog's apologies…and my blessing?" The two looked at each other, already knowing the answer.

"Luxord?" Yuffie murmured, shocked.

"I'm sorry, Yuffie," he amended. "I just wish I could be the man you deserve." He hopped off the armor, not expecting the queen to catch him. He looked up at her in shock as she brought him to her face and replied, "You're more that man today than you ever were…warts and all!" He ribbit-ed in happiness.


	19. The Kiss

The clock began to chime. "Boss!" Axel cried. "The Happily Ever After Potion!"

"Midnight!" Sora realized. He turned to Naminé and told her, "Naminé, Is this what you want? To be this way forever?"

"What?"

"Because if you kiss me now…we can stay like this."

She gasped, amazed. "You'd do that? For me?"

"Yes," he told her, love evident in his eyes. Naminé looked over at Roxas and Axel. The blond smiled at her, and she turned to her parents and her guests. Yuffie smiled at her, as did Luxord.

She looked back at Sora, and replied, "I want what any princess wants. To live happily ever after…" Sora smiled, and leaned in to kiss her, but she put a hand on his lips, and finished, cupping his cheek, "…with the ogre I married." Sora gave a small gasp, and smiled at her.  
"Whatever happens, I must not cry!" Axel struggled, choking back tears. Roxas, a little misty-eyed himself, looked over. "You cannot make me cry!" The clock chimed as he let the tears out.

Sora and Naminé held hands, and their hands glowed blue. The light started to encase them, and the sparkles lifted them up into the air, and the same thing happened to Roxas, with Axel neatly jumping down. The light changed to gold, and the guests had to cover their eyes, it was so bright. Yuffie didn't bother, just watched as her daughter and son-in-law became ogres once more. Neither did Pinocchio, Demyx, the Three Pigs, and the mice-well, they were blind.

"No. No, no," Roxas protested as he turned into a hunkey. "Aah!" His horseshoe hit him in the face. "Ow. Oh, no."

Sora and Naminé, green once again, embraced each other tenderly, smiling happily, as they floated down to the ground.

Roxas looked at his hooves, and gave a great big sigh. Sora laughed, and said, "Hey. You still got the body of a noble steed to me." Roxas looked up in shock, and gave him a grateful smile.

Naminé giggled, and pulled Sora's face to make him look at her, and purred, "Now, where were we?"

"Oh. I remember," Sora chortled, and she giggled as he twirled her around and passionately kissed her. The crowd applauded, and Luxord cuddled into Yuffie's face.


	20. Living La Vida Loca

_Roxas,_ Axel, **both, **_**Roxas talking,**_** Axel talking**_**, Xigbar**_

Axel popped up and declared, "Hey! Isn't we supposed to be having a fiesta?"

"Uno, dos, quatro, hit it!" Roxas declared, on stage. Fireworks danced as the music started. Axel and Roxas were on the stage, Axel dancing, Roxas staring out at the crowd, his legs crossed.

_**Ax and Roxas, y'all. **_

_She's into superstition,_

_ Black cats, and voodoo dolls._

_**Sing it, Axel!**_

I feel a premonition,

That girl's gonna make me fall.

_**Here we go!**_

She's into new sensations,

** New kicks in the candlelight.**

** She's got a new addiction**

** For every day and night.**

** She'll make you take your clothes off,**

** And go dancing in the rain ****(Ugh)**

** She'll make you live her crazy life,**

** But she'll take away your pain,**

** Like a bullet to your brain!**

** Upside,**

** Inside out,**

** Living la vida loca!**

Riku was wandering around the party, wondering what to do, when Anastasia came up and said, "Hey gorgeous!"

_**Living la vida loca.**_

** Her lips are devil red,**

** And her skin's the color of mocha.**

** She will wear you out**

Living la vida loca!_**(She livin' it LOCA!)**_

_**(Say it one more time now!) **_Living the vida locawwwwwww!

**Hey, Roxas, that's Spanish!**

_** (Break it down!)**_

__**She'll push and pull you down,**

** Living la vida loca!**

** She will wear you out,**

** Living la vida loca!**

** Living la vida loca!**

** She'll push and pull you down,**

** Living la vida loca!**

** Her lips are devil red,**

** And her skin's the color of mocha.**

** She will wear you out,**

** Living la vida loca!**

** Living la vida loca!**

** Living la vida loca!**_** (Say it one more time now!)**_

** Living la vida loca!**

**Hey, guys.**

**So, obviously, I have nothing to say but the disclaimer, so…**

**Kingdom Hearts © Disney and Square Enix**

**Shrek © DreamWorks**


	21. I Got To Get A Job

The party was over. Sora and Naminé were just slow dancing by themselves as Roxas sang quietly to himself.

"Amigo," Axel called, his paws wrapped around the legs of two human women, "we are off to the Huit-Huat Club. Come on, join us."

"Oh, thanks, compadre. I'm…I'm just not in the mood," Roxas replied, looking away sadly.

"But we will cheer you up! Find you a nice burro!"

"Roxas!" Said hunkey looked up at the sound of his name. He looked up, gasped, and called, "Hey baby! You can talk!"

There was Xion, flying over. "I know! It's weird, I've only been able to since today!"

Sora and Naminé waved as Roxas cheered, "Hey, that's my girl! Yeah! All right! Baby, where you been?" They nuzzled faces as she replied, "Looking for you to apologize."

"I'm sorry, too. I should've stayed. But Sora had this thing he had to do, and uh…"

Xion interrupted, saying something, but Roxas, thinking he had misheard, cried, "What? Say it one more time."

"You're a dad!"

"What are you talking about? Are you serious?"

"Completely! Kids!" she called, looking over her shoulder.

A baby hunkon with a blue body and gray wings and ears-a boy named Zack-flew in and collapsed next to his daddy. He let out a belch of fire, and a girl cried, "Papa!" Roxas screamed as he was attacked by his other kids-Tidus, Wakka, Selphie, and Fuu, and Zack joined the dogpile. He laughed, struggling to get up, and Sora and Naminé looked at each other, hoping that Roxas-irresponsible, immature Roxas-would be a good dad.

"Look at our little mutant babies!" Roxas cooed as Xion blew a pink heart-shaped puff of smoke. "I got to get a job."


	22. Credits

The party was over. Sora and Naminé were just slow dancing by themselves as Roxas sang quietly to himself.

"Amigo," Axel called, his paws wrapped around the legs of two human women, "we are off to the Huit-Huat Club. Come on, join us."

"Oh, thanks, compadre. I'm…I'm just not in the mood," Roxas replied, looking away sadly.

"But we will cheer you up! Find you a nice burro!"

"Roxas!" Said hunkey looked up at the sound of his name. He looked up, gasped, and called, "Hey baby! You can talk!"

There was Xion, flying over. "I know! It's weird, I've only been able to since today!"

Sora and Naminé waved as Roxas cheered, "Hey, that's my girl! Yeah! All right! Baby, where you been?" They nuzzled faces as she replied, "Looking for you to apologize."

"I'm sorry, too. I should've stayed. But Sora had this thing he had to do, and uh…"

Xion interrupted, saying something, but Roxas, thinking he had misheard, cried, "What? Say it one more time."

"You're a dad!"

"What are you talking about? Are you serious?"

"Completely! Kids!" she called, looking over her shoulder.

A baby hunkon with a blue body and gray wings and ears-a boy named Zack-flew in and collapsed next to his daddy. He let out a belch of fire, and a girl cried, "Papa!" Roxas screamed as he was attacked by his other kids-Tidus, Wakka, Selphie, and Fuu, and Zack joined the dogpile. He laughed, struggling to get up, and Sora and Naminé looked at each other, hoping that Roxas-irresponsible, immature Roxas-would be a good dad.

"Look at our little mutant babies!" Roxas cooed as Xion blew a pink heart-shaped puff of smoke. "I got to get a job."


End file.
